Do your kids a favour: Give them opportunities to fail

As a parent, it’s tough to see our kids upset. We don’t want them to lose or hurt or have a hard time with things. But at the same time, we want them to be able to succeed, which often means overcoming challenges.

That’s why, despite the unpleasantness of it, we must give our kids opportunities to fail.

In “Dear Daughter, I Want You to Fail”, Lyz Lenz – a self-proclaimed perfectionist – recounts how she received her first A-minus in high school and begged her mom to let her drop the class. Despite her tears and angst-ridden notes, her mother wouldn’t budge, instead offering Lenz some invaluable advice: “Better to fail now and learn how to handle it, than fail as an adult and fall apart.”

Now that Lenz has a two-year-old daughter of her own, she tries to follow her own mother’s lead. “I’m constantly encouraging [my daughter] to jump, leap and tip over all she can. I want her to push her limits, to ride the edge, even if that means falling and failing. Yes, I want my daughter to fail.”

Sarah Boesveld takes a similar stance in her article “In Praise of Failure”. She says failure teaches kids to persevere and should be seen as more of a key to success than a roadblock. Without learning to fail, children can’t truly learn how to succeed.

But while both of these writers make a compelling case for failure, they also point out how some parents won’t let their children fail. Lenz calls them “snow plow parents” – those who come between their children and failure, smoothing the path and easing their child’s way into the world. A good example would have been if her mom had pulled Lenz from that class. Boesveld, in reviewing Hara Estroff Marano’s book, A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, writes about parents who actually apply pressure on teachers and schools to give higher grades than are deserved.

Although these are academic-based examples, this kind of parenting can occur in the realms of physical activity and physical literacy as well.

Imagine your child is learning to skate. She doesn’t like the taste of her helmet strap in her mouth. She cries from falling on the ice. She’s frustrated because she can’t do it yet and begs you not to make her go. All of these things dispirit you. The easy thing would be to drop the lessons and register her for something easier. But then, a few years down the road when her middle-school friends started going out for weekend skates, your daughter wouldn’t be able to join. When she watched Team Canada win gold at the Olympics, and wanted more than anything to be one of those athletes, she wouldn’t have the necessary skills to play on the local team. We must always think of our child’s future, even if that means a little displeasure now.

So whether your toddler doesn’t seem to be developing the fundamental movement skills as quickly as the other kids, or whether your son is scared of the monkey bars because he fell off once, or whether he’s devastated because he didn’t make the team, don’t let him quit. Teach him how to fail and persevere. If you stand by – supporting if need be, but not interfering – and let him work through the tough times, your child will develop the physical skills and the mentality necessary to stay active for life … without giving up.

[gravityforms id=12 title="false" description="false" ajax="true"]
<div class='gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper gform_legacy_markup_wrapper' id='gform_wrapper_12' ><div id='gf_12' class='gform_anchor' tabindex='-1'></div><form method='post' enctype='multipart/form-data' target='gform_ajax_frame_12' id='gform_12' action='/do-kids-a-favour-teach-them-how-to-fail/#gf_12' > <div class='gform_body gform-body'><ul id='gform_fields_12' class='gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below'><li id="field_12_6" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_12_6' >Nom</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_6' id='input_12_6' type='text' value='' class='large' placeholder='Votre nom' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_12_7" class="gfield email gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_12_7' >Courriel<span class="gfield_required"><span class="gfield_required gfield_required_asterisk">*</span></span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_email'> <input name='input_7' id='input_12_7' type='text' value='' class='large' placeholder='Votre adresse courriel' aria-required="true" aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_12_9" class="gfield hidden scroll-subscriber field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_12_9' >Scroll Subscriber</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_9' id='input_12_9' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_12_8" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex' >Je suis un éducateur, un entraîneur ou un animateur en loisirs</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_checkbox'><ul class='gfield_checkbox' id='input_12_8'><li class='gchoice gchoice_12_8_1'> <input class='gfield-choice-input' name='input_8.1' type='checkbox' value='Oui, veuillez aussi m’envoyer l’infolettre semestrielle d’Actif pour la vie pour les professionnels.' id='choice_12_8_1' /> <label for='choice_12_8_1' id='label_12_8_1'>Oui, veuillez aussi m’envoyer l’infolettre semestrielle d’Actif pour la vie pour les professionnels.</label> </li></ul></div></li></ul></div> <div class='gform_footer top_label'> <input type='submit' id='gform_submit_button_12' class='gform_button button' value='Abonnez-vous à notre bulletin' onclick='if(window["gf_submitting_12"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_12"]=true; ' onkeypress='if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window["gf_submitting_12"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_12"]=true; jQuery("#gform_12").trigger("submit",[true]); }' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_ajax' value='form_id=12&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='is_submit_12' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_submit' value='12' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_unique_id' value='' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='state_12' value='WyJbXSIsImU4MmE1N2RiNzRiMTQ1ZjVhOGQ3OWQwZmVkOTFkNjRiIl0=' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_target_page_number_12' id='gform_target_page_number_12' value='0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_source_page_number_12' id='gform_source_page_number_12' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_field_values' value='' /> </div> </form> </div> <iframe style='display:none;width:0px;height:0px;' src='about:blank' name='gform_ajax_frame_12' id='gform_ajax_frame_12' title='This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.'></iframe> <script type='text/javascript'>gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() {gformInitSpinner( 12, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery('#gform_ajax_frame_12').on('load',function(){var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find('*').html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf('GF_AJAX_POSTBACK') >= 0;if(!is_postback){return;}var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_wrapper_12');var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_confirmation_wrapper_12').length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf('gformRedirect(){') >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;var mt = parseInt(jQuery('html').css('margin-top'), 10) + parseInt(jQuery('body').css('margin-top'), 10) + 100;if(is_form){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_12').html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass('gform_validation_error')){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_12').addClass('gform_validation_error');} else {jQuery('#gform_wrapper_12').removeClass('gform_validation_error');}setTimeout( function() { /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gform_wrapper_12').offset().top - mt); }, 50 );if(window['gformInitDatepicker']) {gformInitDatepicker();}if(window['gformInitPriceFields']) {gformInitPriceFields();}var current_page = jQuery('#gform_source_page_number_12').val();gformInitSpinner( 12, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery(document).trigger('gform_page_loaded', [12, current_page]);window['gf_submitting_12'] = false;}else if(!is_redirect){var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK').html();if(!confirmation_content){confirmation_content = contents;}setTimeout(function(){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_12').replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gf_12').offset().top - mt);jQuery(document).trigger('gform_confirmation_loaded', [12]);window['gf_submitting_12'] = false;wp.a11y.speak(jQuery('#gform_confirmation_message_12').text());}, 50);}else{jQuery('#gform_12').append(contents);if(window['gformRedirect']) {gformRedirect();}}jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [12, current_page]);} );} );</script>
[gravityforms id=11 title="false" description="false" ajax="true"]
<div class='gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper gform_legacy_markup_wrapper' id='gform_wrapper_11' ><div id='gf_11' class='gform_anchor' tabindex='-1'></div><form method='post' enctype='multipart/form-data' target='gform_ajax_frame_11' id='gform_11' action='/do-kids-a-favour-teach-them-how-to-fail/#gf_11' > <div class='gform_body gform-body'><ul id='gform_fields_11' class='gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below'><li id="field_11_2" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_11_2' >Name</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_2' id='input_11_2' type='text' value='' class='large' placeholder='Your name' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_11_1" class="gfield email gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_11_1' >Email<span class="gfield_required"><span class="gfield_required gfield_required_asterisk">*</span></span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_email'> <input name='input_1' id='input_11_1' type='text' value='' class='large' placeholder='Your email address' aria-required="true" aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_11_4" class="gfield hidden scroll-subscriber field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_11_4' >Scroll Subscriber</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_4' id='input_11_4' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></li><li id="field_11_3" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex' >I&#039;m an educator, coach, or rec leader</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_checkbox'><ul class='gfield_checkbox' id='input_11_3'><li class='gchoice gchoice_11_3_1'> <input class='gfield-choice-input' name='input_3.1' type='checkbox' value='Yes, please also send me the biannual AfL Pro Newsletter for educators, coaches and rec leaders' id='choice_11_3_1' /> <label for='choice_11_3_1' id='label_11_3_1'>Yes, please also send me the biannual AfL Pro Newsletter for educators, coaches and rec leaders</label> </li></ul></div></li></ul></div> <div class='gform_footer top_label'> <input type='submit' id='gform_submit_button_11' class='gform_button button' value='Subscribe now' onclick='if(window["gf_submitting_11"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_11"]=true; ' onkeypress='if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window["gf_submitting_11"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_11"]=true; jQuery("#gform_11").trigger("submit",[true]); }' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_ajax' value='form_id=11&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='is_submit_11' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_submit' value='11' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_unique_id' value='' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='state_11' value='WyJbXSIsImU4MmE1N2RiNzRiMTQ1ZjVhOGQ3OWQwZmVkOTFkNjRiIl0=' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_target_page_number_11' id='gform_target_page_number_11' value='0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_source_page_number_11' id='gform_source_page_number_11' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_field_values' value='' /> </div> </form> </div> <iframe style='display:none;width:0px;height:0px;' src='about:blank' name='gform_ajax_frame_11' id='gform_ajax_frame_11' title='This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.'></iframe> <script type='text/javascript'>gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() {gformInitSpinner( 11, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery('#gform_ajax_frame_11').on('load',function(){var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find('*').html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf('GF_AJAX_POSTBACK') >= 0;if(!is_postback){return;}var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_wrapper_11');var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_confirmation_wrapper_11').length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf('gformRedirect(){') >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;var mt = parseInt(jQuery('html').css('margin-top'), 10) + parseInt(jQuery('body').css('margin-top'), 10) + 100;if(is_form){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_11').html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass('gform_validation_error')){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_11').addClass('gform_validation_error');} else {jQuery('#gform_wrapper_11').removeClass('gform_validation_error');}setTimeout( function() { /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gform_wrapper_11').offset().top - mt); }, 50 );if(window['gformInitDatepicker']) {gformInitDatepicker();}if(window['gformInitPriceFields']) {gformInitPriceFields();}var current_page = jQuery('#gform_source_page_number_11').val();gformInitSpinner( 11, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery(document).trigger('gform_page_loaded', [11, current_page]);window['gf_submitting_11'] = false;}else if(!is_redirect){var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK').html();if(!confirmation_content){confirmation_content = contents;}setTimeout(function(){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_11').replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gf_11').offset().top - mt);jQuery(document).trigger('gform_confirmation_loaded', [11]);window['gf_submitting_11'] = false;wp.a11y.speak(jQuery('#gform_confirmation_message_11').text());}, 50);}else{jQuery('#gform_11').append(contents);if(window['gformRedirect']) {gformRedirect();}}jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [11, current_page]);} );} );</script>
[gravityforms id=10 title="false" description="false" ajax="true"]
<div class='gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper gravity-theme active-start-form_wrapper' id='gform_wrapper_10' ><div id='gf_10' class='gform_anchor' tabindex='-1'></div><form method='post' enctype='multipart/form-data' target='gform_ajax_frame_10' id='gform_10' class='active-start-form' action='/do-kids-a-favour-teach-them-how-to-fail/#gf_10' > <div class='gform_body gform-body'><div id='gform_fields_10' class='gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below'><fieldset id="field_10_11" class="gfield active-start-name-field gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><legend class='gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex' >Name<span class="gfield_required"><span class="gfield_required gfield_required_asterisk">*</span></span></legend><div class='ginput_complex ginput_container no_prefix has_first_name no_middle_name no_last_name no_suffix gf_name_has_1 ginput_container_name' id='input_10_11'> <span id='input_10_11_3_container' class='name_first' > <input type='text' name='input_11.3' id='input_10_11_3' value='' aria-label='First name' aria-required='true' placeholder='Your name' /> <label for='input_10_11_3' >First Name</label> </span> </div></fieldset><div id="field_10_10" class="gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_10' >Email<span class="gfield_required"><span class="gfield_required gfield_required_asterisk">*</span></span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_email'> <input name='input_10' id='input_10_10' type='text' value='' class='large' placeholder='Your email address' aria-required="true" aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_1" class="gfield kid-field show gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible" ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_1' >Kid&#039;s Birthday<span class="gfield_required"><span class="gfield_required gfield_required_asterisk">*</span></span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_date'> <input name='input_1' id='input_10_1' type='text' value='' class='datepicker mdy datepicker_no_icon gdatepicker-no-icon' placeholder='mm/dd/yyyy' aria-describedby="input_10_1_date_format" aria-invalid="false" aria-required="true"/> <span id='input_10_1_date_format' class='screen-reader-text'>MM slash DD slash YYYY</span> </div> <input type='hidden' id='gforms_calendar_icon_input_10_1' class='gform_hidden' value='https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/datepicker/datepicker.svg'/></div><div id="field_10_13" class="gfield gfield--width-full gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible" >Only one kid per email address at the moment.</div><div id="field_10_4" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_4' >Age When Submitted</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_4' id='input_10_4' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_5" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_5' >1st Birthday</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_5' id='input_10_5' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_6" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_6' >2nd Birthday</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_6' id='input_10_6' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_7" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_7' >3rd Birthday</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_7' id='input_10_7' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_8" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_8' >4th Birthday</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_8' id='input_10_8' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div><div id="field_10_9" class="gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_hidden" ><div class='admin-hidden-markup'><i class='gform-icon gform-icon--hidden'></i><span>Hidden</span></div><label class='gfield_label' for='input_10_9' >5th Birthday</label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_9' id='input_10_9' type='text' value='' class='medium' aria-invalid="false" /> </div></div></div></div> <div class='gform_footer top_label'> <input type='submit' id='gform_submit_button_10' class='gform_button button' value='Sign up for Active Start' onclick='if(window["gf_submitting_10"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_10"]=true; ' onkeypress='if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window["gf_submitting_10"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_10"]=true; jQuery("#gform_10").trigger("submit",[true]); }' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_ajax' value='form_id=10&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='is_submit_10' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_submit' value='10' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_unique_id' value='' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='state_10' value='WyJbXSIsImU4MmE1N2RiNzRiMTQ1ZjVhOGQ3OWQwZmVkOTFkNjRiIl0=' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_target_page_number_10' id='gform_target_page_number_10' value='0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_source_page_number_10' id='gform_source_page_number_10' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_field_values' value='' /> </div> </form> </div> <iframe style='display:none;width:0px;height:0px;' src='about:blank' name='gform_ajax_frame_10' id='gform_ajax_frame_10' title='This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.'></iframe> <script type='text/javascript'>gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() {gformInitSpinner( 10, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery('#gform_ajax_frame_10').on('load',function(){var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find('*').html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf('GF_AJAX_POSTBACK') >= 0;if(!is_postback){return;}var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_wrapper_10');var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_confirmation_wrapper_10').length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf('gformRedirect(){') >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;var mt = parseInt(jQuery('html').css('margin-top'), 10) + parseInt(jQuery('body').css('margin-top'), 10) + 100;if(is_form){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_10').html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass('gform_validation_error')){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_10').addClass('gform_validation_error');} else {jQuery('#gform_wrapper_10').removeClass('gform_validation_error');}setTimeout( function() { /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gform_wrapper_10').offset().top - mt); }, 50 );if(window['gformInitDatepicker']) {gformInitDatepicker();}if(window['gformInitPriceFields']) {gformInitPriceFields();}var current_page = jQuery('#gform_source_page_number_10').val();gformInitSpinner( 10, 'https://activeforlife.com/content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.svg' );jQuery(document).trigger('gform_page_loaded', [10, current_page]);window['gf_submitting_10'] = false;}else if(!is_redirect){var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK').html();if(!confirmation_content){confirmation_content = contents;}setTimeout(function(){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_10').replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gf_10').offset().top - mt);jQuery(document).trigger('gform_confirmation_loaded', [10]);window['gf_submitting_10'] = false;wp.a11y.speak(jQuery('#gform_confirmation_message_10').text());}, 50);}else{jQuery('#gform_10').append(contents);if(window['gformRedirect']) {gformRedirect();}}jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [10, current_page]);} );} );</script>