When fun turns to stress: Why we pressed pause on competitive sports
As a mother of an almost 10-year-old, I’ve always loved watching my son find joy in team sports. From the first time he strapped on hockey skates to his excitement during baseball practice, it’s been a journey filled with smiles, teamwork, a lot of spirit, and a sense of community. The camaraderie, the thrill of chasing the puck, and the satisfaction of hitting a home run brought him such happiness. But recently, things have shifted.
Over the past year, I noticed a change in how my son approached these sports. What was once fun and exciting gradually morphed into something that felt more like a job. Hockey and baseball became increasingly competitive, and the joy of just “playing” started to fade away. What used to be a couple of practices a week has now ballooned into multiple training sessions, long-weekend tournaments, and even more time spent traveling. We found ourselves with a packed schedule, squeezing in homework between drives to faraway games and seeing less of the free-spirited play he used to enjoy so much.
This wasn’t just hard on him—it was hard on us as a family. Suddenly, our weekends were planned out months in advance, vacations became tricky to schedule, and there was a growing pressure to “keep up” with the competitive nature of these leagues. My son still loved the games, the training, and his teammates, but I could tell that the demands of competitive sports were slowly overshadowing the simple joy of play.
After a lot of family discussions, we made a decision to pump the brakes. We realized that while it’s great to encourage dedication and growth, it’s just as important to preserve the enjoyment that first drew him to these activities. So, we stepped back from hockey and baseball, at least for now, and made space for something new: fencing.
Why fencing? Well, the sport offered exactly what my son needed: a welcoming environment that didn’t pressure him to be the best right away. Fencing is more beginner-friendly, with less emphasis on immediate competition and more room for learning at your own pace. Plus, it opened up our family’s schedule, giving us back the freedom we craved—time to ride bikes, play outside with friends, and relax without constantly planning the next big game or tournament.
The shift has been refreshing.
My son is still getting the physical activity he needs, but without the constant grind that came with his previous youth sports. It’s been good for his mental health. And we’re not saying goodbye to hockey and baseball forever. Maybe down the road, we’ll find a way to balance those activities in a healthier, more sustainable way. For now, we’re just happy to see him rediscover his love of being active.
Tips for parents with a child overwhelmed by competitive sports:
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few things that worked for us:
- Evaluate the balance: If your child’s sport is demanding too much time, leaving little room for other activities, ask yourself if the current schedule is working for your family. It’s okay to say, “This is too much right now.”
- Prioritize joy over competition: Sports participation should be fun! If your child starts to dread practices or tournaments, it’s worth considering whether the joy of the sport is getting lost in the competitive nature of the league. Maybe some youth sports are getting too serious.
- Have open conversations: Sit down with your child and talk about how they feel. Ask if they miss having free time, and listen to any frustrations they might have about the intensity of their schedule.
- Explore new sports: Trying something new, like we did with fencing, can be a great way to keep your child engaged in physical activity without the pressure of high-level competition. There are plenty of sports that promote skill-building without demanding every weekend of your life.
- Create free play opportunities: It’s important for kids to have time to just play—whether that’s riding bikes, playing tag, or shooting hoops with friends. Free play is where creativity and spontaneity flourish.
- Find a sport that fits your family’s schedule: Consider a sport that works better with your lifestyle. Whether it’s martial arts, swimming, or something less traditional, look for activities that allow flexibility and fun.
- Set boundaries with teams: If your child still loves their current sport but the demands are too high, talk to coaches or team leaders. Many sport clubs and organizations will work with families to allow kids to participate in a way that’s sustainable.
Options for families looking to step back from competitive sports:
- Fencing: Like we’ve experienced, fencing is a great option for kids who want to stay active without feeling the pressure to perform immediately. It’s strategic, fun, and fosters individual growth.
- Recreational leagues or intramural sports: Look for non-competitive leagues where the focus is on participation and enjoyment rather than winning. Sometimes this can also be great for a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Outdoor adventure clubs: Many areas have clubs that focus on hiking, cycling, and other outdoor activities that promote fitness without the grind of competitive sports.
- Swimming or gymnastics: These sports can sometimes have less intense team structures and can be easier to fit into a busy schedule.
As parents, we want the best for our kids. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is press pause, reevaluate, and ensure that they’re enjoying life—not just racing from one commitment to the next. It’s okay to step back, reframe, and remember that being active and having fun should go hand in hand.
