Hockey tips for parents: 3 ways to support your child this season
My son just left for conditioning camp with his university hockey team. Conditioning camp helps players get back in shape—not just physically, but also mentally and in their attitude toward the game. It’s been a ritual for my son since he started playing hockey. A good conditioning camp sets players up for success.
Since conditioning camp gets our kids to brush up on their skills and set themselves up for a successful season as players, let’s do the same as hockey parents. Let’s make sure that our perspective and attitude is right for the upcoming hockey season.
After all these years, my son still loves to play, and that’s my greatest accomplishment as a hockey parent. I believe that my efforts in keeping a balanced and dignified attitude toward the game have led to his ongoing passion and development. This love of the game has allowed him to push through many challenges and grow tremendously as a player and as a person.
If another hockey season is about to start up in your house, try applying the three tips below, which can greatly contribute to your child’s positive experience.
Hockey tip #1: It’s about your kid. Really
“It’s about the kids” is probably the most used (and misused) catchphrase in minor hockey. What it really means is that our focus should be on what kids want and what they expect from playing hockey. When researchers ask kids why they play sports, two answers always top the list: to have fun and to improve their skills. For kids, winning does matter, but not as much as having fun, improving, and being with friends. Winning is exciting, but it’s not the main reason they play. And let’s be honest, losing isn’t fun.
Still, if addressed the right way, you can help your child learn to deal with defeat. More importantly, participating in sport and learning to deal with defeat has been shown to develop resilience and confidence in children, which will benefit them in all aspects of their lives. If your child isn’t having fun or developing skills, you can politely share your concerns with the coach, making sure you follow the procedure set out by your minor hockey association. But if the coaching and the program are sound, you need to stop worrying about the results. Your kids have.
Hockey tip #2: Say the right things to your kids
What we say as parents has a profound, lasting influence on young athletes. Despite good intentions, many parents go too far when giving feedback on their kids’ performance.
“Our children become the messages they hear the most.”
-John O’Sullivan, founder, Changing the Game Project
One of the most dreaded moments for many players is the car ride home, when they have to hear about all the things they did wrong. As a parent, leave the instruction to the coaches and have your comments reflect your unconditional love and support. If you struggle to control your tendency to criticize your child, consider saying these six words instead: “I love to watch you play.” Memorize them and repeat them often.
A common misconception among parents is that kids are completely oblivious to the noise coming from the crowd. One thing I’ve learned in my 35 years as a sport psychology educator and coach is that athletes can ignore the crowd, except when it’s a voice they recognize. Especially if this voice is embarrassing. I made a decision when my kids were young: Not only would I say very little to them after the game, but I would never yell during the game. Both my kids are older now, and looking back, this was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Hockey tip #3: Think long-term development for your child
Back in 2015, the “new normal” in hockey was Hockey Canada’s Long-Term Player Development (LTPD) pathway. Now, the LTPD approach has proven itself. LTPD gets kids doing the right things at the right ages so they can have fun, love hockey, and become complete players.
The first step is developing physical literacy, which begins by learning a wide variety of fundamental skills such as running, throwing, catching, and jumping. To develop these skills, from an early age our kids benefit from playing many different sports and activities, not just hockey. If your child chooses to become an elite hockey player, there is a time when your daughter or son will begin the process of specializing in hockey.
According to Hockey Canada [PDF], the age at which a child begins to specialize in hockey can vary from 12 to 15. This means that your child will spend more time playing hockey and will participate in fewer organized sports. As a parent, remember that specialization must be driven by the child. Also, a progressive approach is healthier: just because your daughter is 13, it doesn’t mean that she should suddenly drop all other sports she likes and dedicate herself fully to hockey. Playing at least one “off-ice” sport, like basketball or martial arts, is a good idea.
As a sport parent, I can say, looking back, that living by these three principles worked for both my children, who are now in their 20s. My son still enjoys hockey and plays at an elite level. My daughter has transitioned from competitive sport into a myriad of different activities and sports that she loves. From this perspective, I would recommend that all hockey parents check your “conditioning” against these three tips. Get fit, as we’ve got a long season ahead of us. Enjoy!
Editor’s note: This article was first published on Sept. 21, 2017.
